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11 February 2009

i'm back.. and guess what..i dreamt again! nth new.

So for the previous day, i kicked my sis cos i was dreaming.. dreamin about sitting on an elephant. then suddenly i was sliding down so i tried to kick to get back up the elephant. and then i felt smth beneath my leg. i opened my eyes.. tada! her face. -_-"' lucky she didn't flare up or smth.

and ytd, i dreamt that i went back to school to study my degree. guess who?! my poly lecturer. The things she say suddenly amuse me. And as usual playin a fool in class. the unusual stuffs was, my classmates.. they were from everywhere.. even my mum and sis were there. lols. And then, i saw these creatures.. colorful.. unique.. sorta like mini dinosaurs. And then piglets.. like toys.. running arnd scaring ppl... Yes.. my imagination is how wild. tell me about it. There was this train ride also. apparently we were having lessons on it. And then... I was tryin to save someone from somewhere which was on fire... HERO! -grins-

full of rubbish. no wonder i dun slp well.

bitch! u go hk holiday le. remember to buy things back for me k.. heh~ that's if u're reading this.

And happy birthday buddy!! hope you have good fun! =)

10:53 AM

08 February 2009

I hope the cast would be off on fri.

I keep having funny dreams recently... Maybe my mind has nth to think about. That's why there's so much fantasy. I dreamt of lotsa food too. Maybe been too conscious of my diet.. i used to think that we live to eat. but after gaining so much weight it got onto my conscience. i cant wear some of my fav tees etc.. maybe when i get back on both feets and start exercising.. that'll be when i cn start eating freely again...

I don't feel myself . Somehow. but i can't explain it.

Seldom come in to blog. Logging in's too much of a hassle. Not that it really is a hassle, maybe i'm just plain lazy. Even at bellies' blog i hardly go in even though i've been on mc for too long. L A Z Y. After doing up the template i just dunno what else to blog.

What else to blog when u're at home the whole time...

tired. ALthough i got much time to slp, i can't slp well. -shrugs- i wouldn't know why.

Wanted to trim my hair today but in the end didn't. Cos the lady said if i were to leave it long then i shudn't cut it already. -nods-

Going to see dad soon.

check back soon.

3:36 PM

02 February 2009

Finally something that looks pleasant to the eye..

Borrowed a camera from jaryl. Its the powershot G6. BUT... i don't really know how to use it. Sheesh... Tryin to play arnd with it. Anyone wanna teach me? I don't really like the pictures i have taken. Somehow it looks weird.

So i'm left with 2 weeks of mc. Gotta fully utilise it. Read some books. Study a lil. Talking about reading, i'm still looking for the 2 series of books by enid blyton la. Adventures of the wishing chair and the naughtiest girl. Wish i could find it and start reading it again. How i'd love to relish those childhood memories. Reading could nv be more interesting.

Life has changed from its ups to downs and ups and downs again. Its never ending. I've learnt to accept and adapt. Sometimes delusions are nothing but solutions to things which you can't do anything about or you can't set your heart to doing it.

Everyone says, "wah, enjoy ah.. so long holiday..."
goodness, how can anyone call this a HOLIDAY! Do you know how torturing it is, to let your days rot by while u're jus being home and doing nth that interest u at all. Not that i don't wanna do but.. i got other things to do. Luckily at times, i can watch bleach.. it helps to take time away.

Counting down.. hopefully the xray will come out positively.

Au revoir...

9:39 PM

16 January 2009

I have problems slpin nowadays. But i guess i shud be slpy enough now.

facebook applications seems to be quite addictive. but once u're in there u're like in ur own world. virtual world. i wish time would stop while i was playin then it wouldn't seem like i'm wasting time.. zzz

haven't really got the mood to revamp the blog.. it looks kinda weird. i think the pic shud be changed. maybe i shall wait till i feel like photoshopping it. i guess i lost that kinda enthusiasm i had in the past. i could go on and on for hours jus figuring out the html codes but i was o k . now, i kinda forgot most of it so i can't really be bothered.

This place is jus another vent that i can jus rant on non-stop. i like talking, or rather, writing to myself i realise. Brings out the reality of my thots.

My whole body's aching again. Today i didn't really do much. but there was a lot of moving and cleaning. i dont really like the way i place my stuffs. will prob move it again soon. When i got the energy.

yawns. time for bed.

-zzz-

1:00 AM

14 January 2009

Woah.. seems like its been a long time..

i miss blogging.
It's jus that i realise i always end up blogging about the same stuffs.
Plus the last few posts were all about the same.

It's been like.. 5 more days to 1 month of MC? goodness..
i will nv ever wanna have sucha long mc again if i can help it.
It's pretty torturing. bored to tears. became a maid. Kept cleaning. and cleaning.
And then, sometimes i'll end up on the net which would take away many hours.
Or prob watch bleach online and time would fly by without me realising.

These few days were more of cleaning i guess.

I'm aching all over.

Maybe tmr i'l try shifting some stuffs.
Without applying pressure to the casted leg. pfttt! =x

I hate the leg. its giving me inconvenience.

Its gonna be over. hopefully.

birthday last week was.. i dunno how to describe. sorta like numb.. last yr's birthday was the most miserable though. maybe birthdays are jus another day. maybe i jus haven't gotten onto terms with it. but i did enjoy the surprise by bellies though. sweeeeeet! and the katong laksa w tang n mel.. =)

I do enjoy receivin presents. Its the kind excitement tryin to peek what's behind the wrapper that urges me to look forward to. Doesn't really matter what it is though. i'll still find a use to it.

okays. tmr will be another day. time really flies. i haven't slimmed down. pft!

be back soon.

10:38 PM

28 May 2008

i jus need another place where i can jus shout out.
feeling so tight in the chest.
i really don't feel like going back.
there seem to be a phobia.
like everything started from me.
like i shudn't be there in the first place.

a simple statement can create sucha big mess.
its like butterfly effect. a simple flap of its wing can cause a hurricane at the other end of the world. like what the..
i shud start growing up.
and stop thinkin that things will eventually turn out right and everyone's jus as simple as i thought.
i was wrong about myself too. i thot i was simple. now i don't even know if i can trust myself. i don't even know who i am. sigh.
who else can i trust..
haha. still the usual.. trust no one but urself.

i really hate no going to work when everyone else does. i hate missing out on everything.
the best thing is, now smth's happened and i know not of what's going on.
suddenly like everything crashed in. the facade that everyone tried to put up with.

Ha. suddenly i feel like i'm facing the real world. and i refuse to step into it. for one moment i thot it was a good time to downgrade. but i didn't wanna leave yet. i couldn't.

Quite sad. I don't know what to do. Next time if there's anything, i shud jus heck it and get on with life. that seems to be what everyone else is doing. and they're getting along fine. self deception. crappes.

Whatever! Brace up Face it.

i need another hideout.
somewhere no one will find me.

09

10:42 PM

26 March 2008

Today is.. boring.
Totally jus don't feel like studyin at all.
Don't feel like doing anything.
Feeling so lethargic.
But dunno why i couldn't slp in this morn.
woke up before 12. amazing..
tried sitting at the com reading news online.. but i could feel my eyes tryin to close on me.
study disorder i call it. haha.
Then i jus tried sitting at the sofa watchin tv but.. i felt like it was wrong.
then..
initially didn't wanna go swim cos of my flu but..
couldn't take the boredom went to the pool for a dip late afternoon.
Needed the sun. think i was there for half an hour only.
as i leaned against the wall of the pool starin into space, i wished i could be like this everyday. but part of me kept feeling that i shouldn't be wasting my time jus relaxin there. made me guilty conscious. like i shud be working every single day. so everyday my mind has internal conflicts like the angel and devil arguing. irritating me.. zzz
had to rush back after awhile to go to dad's.
the rest of the evening was spent at dad's.
and then.. a day's jus gone like that.
If i didn't feel so sick i think i'd have jus gone out.
...
life's still so grey.
Sometimes i ask myself if i really wanna excel.
Can be pretty tiring and can really make me feel obliged to do many things.
Like now, i try to force myself to study a lil.
But.. just lookin at the notes i jus feel turn off.
its a stupid feeling..
I wonder how i'm gonna survive Uni if i ever get into one.
zzz..
...
i'm slpy.
but feeling better than ytd.
Good sign.
Maybe i'll run tmr then go out for a breather.
...
AhhHHHhhhhh....
...

-09-

11:59 PM